Alright everyone, you can now have that sigh of relief because I am here to answer what seems to be the most asked question these days. Whether by my tarot clients, friends, or just things I constantly come across on social media; What is a twin flame? Before I get into this, I'd like to say that there is a big possibility that you have not even met your twin flame. There is also a chance that you won't. Some of us just don't in our Current lifetime and thats totally OK. Believe me, there is nothing...whimsical about a twin flame experience or connection and I'm here to give you the real deal holy field low down boogie on what the fuck a twin flame actually is and what to expect from this connection. Here we go, grab a snack. The actual definition of a twin flame is "when two souls are split in two or two people that are mirror images of each other", now although that sounds amazing when you first hear it, let me get into the details. One of the main characteristics of a twin flame relationship is that it will be both challenging and healing. This is due to the mirroring nature of a twin flame; they show you your deepest insecurities, fears, and shadows. But they also help you overcome them and vice versa—your twin flame will be equally affected by you. Remember that all relationships we have are meant to teach us something, whether a romantic relationship, friendship, whatever, But twin flames are meant to teach us the most. So much so ,that most of the time, people give up on their twin flame connection because it just becomes too difficult, or the pair isn't learning the lessons they're meant to learn. Ok okay, lets rewind. Lets begin at the start which is when you first meet your twin flame. When you first come across or in contact with your twin , there is an instant connection. No, I don't mean you go on three or four dates and start to think you really like this person, I mean a deep deep deep connection, you feel it in your bones, you feel it spiritually, theres an instant recognition there as if you've known each other forever , its an intense and incredible bond, it feels like you've made it home. Even an hour into meeting this person, you already have a sense of longing. Like you've missed them! It feels crazy because you're like How can I miss this person? I just met them..Well, thats a twin flame. You miss them already because you've already met them before, you agreed in past lives to come together again, so when you do, its an instant connection and also pretty damn scary. You and your twin are also very similar, this can be the way you look, dress, speak, how you respond to things, your morals, values, what you want for the future. You can even have similar pasts as your twin. Of course this doesn't mean down to a T, but there is a likelihood that you've both had a similar upbringing, or a similar set of obstacles you had to overcome, etc. You compliment each other as well. In the areas that you are not very similar, you will find you're differences compliment your twins, like yin and yang balance. Their shadow might be complimented by your light and vice versa. because a twin flame mirrors you, you're likely very aware of how your relationship highlights your shadows, and theirs. This person feels magnetic to you. From the moment you met and still to this day, you feel drawn to them physically when they're near you, as well as magnetically, when you're apart. It's as though their energy is always with you, always wanting to be closer. Imagine two magnets, and that polarity. Even when they're flipped over, they're still trying to attach but there is an energetic force there. Your connection feels divine, as though , a higher power brought this person to you . You and your twin share a psychic bond, they just look at you and you know what they're thinking and vice versa. You may even feel each others emotions. Because twin flames are mirrors, they challenge us to want to be better and do better and oftentimes, your purposes are aligned in a way that pushes both of you to new heights. It's a very expansive relationship that promotes a lot of growth. Sounds awesome right? Well, it is, if both of you can get past all the bullshit that'll come. And trust me, it will come. This isn't about there being bullshit because you don't love each other, I think twin flame love is the highest love of all, BUT, ...well, let me continue.... The twin flame dynamic always has a runner and a chaser. And this isn't a cute game, or a little toxic behavior that can be easily changed. This can go on for a really long time, hence why most people give up on these connections. The runner is usually scared of the commitment, scared of the strong feelings, so they haul ass any chance they get. While the chaser, well...chases. At some point, one of you may walk away, out of fear, anger—you name it, But you'll often come back. If you're in an 'on and off-again-type relationship, You'll find that things just keep bringing you together in random ways. Could be months, years, even decades; you just always find your way back to one another.Being with a twin flame is like constantly being confronted by yourself, namely the parts of yourself you may not like. It can be incredibly challenging, but it's facilitating major growth for both of you. There are 8 stages of a twin flame connection.. yes, fucking 8! These stages can be a little unique depending on you two but here they are. Stage 1: Yearning: Before the two of you meet, you will have an awareness that your other half is out there for you. There is deep longing in this phase, and there will be inner work during this phase to prepare you for meeting your twin flame. Sometimes, we meet our twin flames after some type of spiritual awakening , or just being more involved in spirituality and healing, because then we're ready...right ? lol Stage 2 : Meeting: Once you meet, your world will be rocked. Prepare to fall fast. When you meet, it is insane instant attraction,. You can't keep your hands off one another and think about and want to spend a ton of time with each other constantly. Stage 3: The Honey Moon Phase: yes, twin flames have a honey moon phase. How long this lasts, again, depends on the pair, but these are the moments where you're like "fuck! finally ! I found my person! The connection is extremely positive and meaningful . Stage 4: Challenges emerge: Sooner or later, core wounds emerge, and differences arise in the relationship. Often, these challenges are a reflection of the soul work the two of you need to do on your own. It's often not about improving the relationship but rather improving yourself. An example would be that one of you has struggled with insecurities for a long time, and your twin is extremely confident (mirroring to you what needs to be worked on). Stage 5: The test : Your love will be put to the test as you really start to dive deep into these shadow aspects. All your insecurities will rear up as you start to question yourself and each other.one partner may avoid the other or even abandon the relationship, while the other feels emotionally insecure. This is where attachment issues may arise. Stage 6: The Chase: The chase, also called twin flame separation is a big part of many twin flame relationships; someone will always walk away. Twin flame relationships have a ton of push-pull,.Part of the chase is the reward for each person. But there will be a time when one partner will pull away, and this causes separation. Please note that these separation periods happen and they are meant to bring you both to a higher level of awareness, healing, and ascension. Its up to you to determine whether you want to do this and re connect with your twin or not. This push -pull dynamic can go on for years and it's painful. You do not HAVE to be with your twin, you CAN decide that it's too much or too difficult or too painful, and go on to meet someone else. You have free will. But when twins separate, the reason is the need for ascension and growth. It's because your shadow sides need to be faced and the work needs to be done. Stage 7: The Surrender: As I said, The chase can go on for years, but should the two of you work through all your triggers, insecurities, and challenges, eventually you may come back together. This is the surrender into the relationship and big picture for you both. You accept and allow each other to be who they are, flaws and all. This is where you come back again. Stage 8: Coming Home: And finally, once you've fully surrendered and accepted your destiny, your life begins, and balance feels restored. Shared meaning is created, and there is more empathy and understanding in the relationship. In this stage, you support each other and continue to facilitate growth for the other. Now, what is the difference between a twin flame and a soul mate? Well, we have many soul mates. Soul mates can be friends, and even pets. Twin flames are more intense because they are in fact, one soul. Do we only have one twin flame? Yes Does everyone have a twin flame? Nope. And it's because your soul hasn't had that split yet. Can twin flames be toxic ?Yes. In a twin flame relationship, your twin may mirror your own issues, unhealthy habits, or imbalances. Also, when twin flames are apart, they may have a hard time functioning. You may also end up defining your self-worth by the relationship. These aspects of the twin flame relationship can result in an unhealthy codependent relationship. There is also a tendency to give your twin flame "unconditional love" AKA: letting way too much slide. Twin flames are notorious for being tumultuous if not handled with care.If we don't have self-love and awareness, they can become even more painful. The bottom Line: Twin flame relationships are incredibly potent, powerful, and RARE. But just because they're strong doesn't mean they're unbreakable—it's still important to work on your partnership, and your own individual growth. When you do that, the two of you will be catalysts for love, growth, and harmony in each other's lives.
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Respect. Something we all demand, expect, and feel we deserve from others. But do we stop and think about respecting ourselves first? Do we think about the bad habits we have created that actually are disrespectful to ourselves? We may not even notice most times, but I wanted to talk about some ways we actually disrespect our own selves. The person that should be most important in your life is YOU ! So let's be consciously aware of the things we do as flawed humans that actually point to us disrespecting ourselves. Here are signs you are disrespecting yourself You put on an act for the outside world.Who you really are on the inside is not who you seek to portray to the people you meet. Instead, you act out a character of your own creation because you feel that it will be deemed more acceptable and more liked by society.In essence, you are ashamed of who you really are and rarely ever show it unless among very close friends and family. You speak badly of yourself.You are forever playing down your gifts, talents, and desirable qualities because you just can’t bring yourself to have pride in them. What’s more, you don’t just speak ill of yourself to other people, but also as part of your inner monologueand self-talk.You always seem to be putting yourself down instead of building yourself up and it leads to you – and others – believing in your illusory shortcomings. You put others ahead of yourself.You are a kind and helpful soul, but you will always put the needs of other people ahead of your own. This can take many forms, but they all come back to the same core principle – you don’t take care of yourself anywhere near as well as you try to take care of others.Whether it’s giving over your time, energy, money, or health, you always prioritize the other person, even if it’s to your own detriment. You punish yourself for “failings.”If anything should go wrong in your life, you are quick to lay the blame on your own doorstep. You see failure where others would see lessons, you berate yourself for not living up to expectations, and you exact punishment when you should be showing kindness.You are so hard on yourself that even when you do succeed at something, you put it down to luck rather than persistence or ability. You hide your emotions.You see sadness, worry, and vulnerability as weaknesses that ought not to be displayed in the public forum. Likewise, you tame your happiness, joy, and excitement for fear of coming across as arrogant or boastful.In fact, you suppress most of your emotions the majority of the time and deny yourself the benefits of feeling things deeply and truly. You do not speak up when hurt.If someone inflicts physical or emotional pain upon you, there is a good chance that you will keep quiet instead of standing up for yourself. Perhaps you think you deserve it, or maybe you just believe you’re not strong enough to exert any influence over the situation.Either way, you allow yourself to be a doormat – letting everyone walk all over you rather than raise your voice in opposition. You stay friends with people who do not respect you.You can’t possibly respect yourself if you continually spend time with people who show you none themselves. Liars, cheaters, time wasters, manipulators; these are the types of people who, if you let them, will take and take without giving back.If you believe that you are being dishonorable by cutting all ties with such people, just remind yourself that friendship requires respect and that this makes them no friend of yours. You seek the approval of others.You are forever looking to other people for validation and approval. Whether regarding your actions, feelings, looks, or beliefs, you are overly concerned with having the consent and agreement of others.You find it difficult to make life decisions – both big and small – without the input of numerous friends. You want to know that your opinion is generally in line with those of others and you will actively change your mind if it is not.We seek attention and validation from others when there is something missing. A void that needs to be filled, and without the proper tools and the introspection to understand and alleviate the cause, we search for an external reaction. You are the cause and the reaction. What you seek in the world is already within you, you already know the answer because you asked the question. Measure yourself by your own standards and set the bar high because you’re worth it. You feel guilty for following your heart.You really struggle to let your heart guide you through life for fear that it presents too much of a risk. Instead, you let your rational, often pessimistic mind control things in order to avoid anything that might possibly cause you pain or discomfort – even if these are signs of growth. You make no attempt to change the status quo.Regardless of how discontent you might be, you don’t take any of the steps necessary to change your situation. You’d much rather live a so-so life than imagine and create a better one for yourself because you are afraid of the unknown.Years pass and you bemoan the static existence that you endure, but you still can’t bring yourself to try an alternative approach. You take responsibility for things that are out of your control.Despite not taking responsibility for your own life, you seem to want to take it for everything else. When a loved one fails, it’s because you didn’t help them enough; when the company you work for has a bad year, it’s you that was found lacking; when a night out with friends ends in disaster, it’s your fault for not organizing it properly.You are so keen to take the blame for things that you have no control over, that you let others off the hook when the failing is clearly theirs. You bite your tongue to avoid conflict.If there is something said that you take issue with, you’d much rather stay silent than risk conflict by disagreeing. In this way, you let others assume your complicit agreement, and you do nothing to try and stand up for your beliefs.You tend to assume that your views do not hold quite so much weight because maybe you aren’t as well informed on a particular matter. And you’re afraid of the pain that you may feel by having your views attacked or disregarded. You try to please everybody else.Many of the above points come back to one core desire – that of pleasing everybody you come in contact with. You are so keen to be liked, so reliant on others to shower you with praise, that you go to extraordinary lengths to make others happy.While making others happy is a noble pursuit, if you only do so in the hope that they accept you, then it proves that you value how others view you over how you view yourself.Doing things for others can bring us joy and satisfaction, but there is a sacred selfishness that we can’t afford to ignore. When we over-indulge in giving our time, our energy and our good nature, we may think that there’s no harm but be warned, like a car we can’t run on empty and we all need a refill. You look at others in envy.You don’t practice gratitude for all the things you have in your life. Instead, you look at others through green eyes of envy and wish you could be more like them.You fail to see all of the wonderful people, experiences, and emotions in your life; you overlook joy and disregard fun, believing others have what you seem to think you are lacking. You judge other people.When you’re not too busy being jealous, you find time to pour scorn over the way certain people think or behave. You happily gossip about others, questioning their choices and their lifestyle.You judge in this way so that you may ignore your own shortcomings rather than have to face up to them.Remember that each time you lash out against someone, whether it is behind their back or to their face, you are meeting an aspect of your own shadow. So turn those words back around, because what you just said, is exactly what you need to heal, accept and alchemize within you. Tongue lashing someone with crude remarks is a sure sign that you’re not comfortable in your own skin; you’re too hard on yourself and you lack self-acceptance. When we judge others, not only are we bringing forward an aspect of ourselves, we are unknowingly hurting someone else, based on our own perception of the world in how we see others. You find yourself telling lies.Instead of being true to yourself, you choose to project an image out into the world and this, by its very nature, requires you to lie in order to maintain the pretense.Lies to other people are reflected back by the mirror of conscience and lead to a sense of great unease within.Even the smallest fib, is a reflection of your own self-confidence and that you are disrespecting yourself. Be you, be real, you are enough just as you are. Never lower yourself to try to impress someone else. Anyone who can’t respect the truth, isn’t worth your time. You ignore your intuition.Not only do you struggle to listen to your heart, you willfully ignore the gut feelings that are so effective at revealing how you truly feel about something or someone.You are prepared to silence your intuition so that you may please others, avoid conflict, and resist change. You dwell on the bad and overlook the good.Your focus in life is far more weighted towards the negative than it is the positive. You wallow in self pity when things go against you, and yet times of happiness are quick to pass into memory.You believe yourself so unworthy of good that you use the bad to remind you of this; continually mulling over all the negative events in order to punish yourself for ever feeling happy. You don’t believe in yourself.You simply don’t believe that you are capable of being a beacon of light in the world, so you fill yourself with doubt and repress your nature for fear of being ridiculed.You simply can’t begin to realize your potential because you see yourself as less than others, somehow deficient in that which is required to stand up and stand out. You let others have too much say in your life.Whether its our parents, our friends, coworkers or our bosses, we are always getting advice from somewhere, (whether we are asking for it or not is a different story.) The point is to entertain a thought without accepting it. Feel for yourself if what you are being told resonates with you, the real you, the child that has hopes and dreams for itself. Be mindful of what you allow into your decision-making, this is your life and you are the only one living it. Every relationship we have, can be viewed as a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves and setting the tone for the right relationships, lies heavily upon us. By trusting ourselves, listening to our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, we become more authentic and this gives us the wonderful opportunity to become comfortable in our own skin. Yet, when we are not comfortable with who we are, we project onto others, what we cannot accept of ourselves and that’s disrespecting yourself. Anndddd, we're back! With a big topic; Self Awareness. Self-awareness is being aware of different aspects of the self including traits, behaviors, and feelings.When we become self-aware we are then able to recognize our strengths and weaknesses. This helps us set goals for ourselves and to learn where we have to room to grow . Our strengths help us feel confident in our ability to improve on our weaknesses.Our worlds are filled with external factors that we have no control over. This makes it more important to at least control ourselves and our responses or reactions . The meaning of self-awareness is “knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions”. Self-awareness is all about knowing the one thing in life we do have control over: Our perception of our own world.Someone who is not self-aware encounters obstacles, sometimes the same ones repeatedly, and doesn’t understand why. Someone who is self-aware examines themselves honestly to get to the root of their problems. Despite encountering the same problems, someone who’s self-aware is better equipped to deal with these obstacles.Let’s say you’re noticing that people don’t like to talk to you much. A person that isn’t self-aware would just get frustrated, or maybe not even notice. A self-aware person examines the facts, and maybe admits that they rambles too much, complain too much,doesn’t listen enough, isn’t engaging in the conversations, or isn’t being present. They are better able to accept the situation, in order to be more aware of what to improve. In other words, the difference between someone who’s self-aware and someone who’s not is that one has the ability to see The TRUE underlying issue. The "root”. Self awareness is our ability to observe and accurately identify our thoughts, feelings and impulses, and determine whether they are grounded in reality or not. Remove ego, remove anxiety. What is reality? There are three levels of self awareness: 1. What you’re doing: There is pain in life, and a lot of things that...well, suck . In the recent past, lets just say in the last month, how many times have you struggled in a relationship with someone close to you? How many times have you felt alone or isolated? unproductive? stressed? low energy? If you add those up, it could be a rude awakening like "damn..pretty much all month !" We avoid pain through distraction. We bring our minds to somewhere completely different. A place where we feel "safe" from the day-to-day pain of our world right? We use movies, music, books, exercise, and sometimes other people. Although there is nothing wrong with some distractions, whats important here is that we are aware of our distractions. We need to make sure we are choosing our distractions and that they are not choosing us. We need to know when we are JUST mentally checking out. We can't binge on distractions. We do not heal that way . Most people drown themselves in an ocean of distraction. Ever notice how when we are stressed, we'll pull out our phones to check our busy calendars. Then we find ourselves scrolling tiktok for an hour. We think we are being so productive sometimes, “we're working” . Half the time we're fucking scrolling. We THINK we spend more time with our friends, our families and our children more than we actually do. We THINK we're more present in the moment than we actually are. The goal here isn't to completely remove all distractions and try to be this “perfect present human “ because the truth is , we're all learning and we’re all lost in a way. The point is to develop an awareness and take control of these distractions. Its to eliminate compulsion. Try not to judge yourself either when you have these observations, but have the damn observations! The first step of self awareness is seeing where your mind goes, and when. Level 2 has to do with what you are feeling . The most common reason we start to distract ourselves and not look within is because of what we are feeling. The emotions we are having become too difficult for us to deal with (or we just don’t want to) so we lean into those video games, the gym, the devices, the apps and unfortunately other people. Its a fear of being alone with your thoughts and sometimes even yourself. This is why meditating seems crazy to some people. Like, what? sitting with my thoughts? my feelings? omg hell no ! Level 2 is how we find out who we are! Many people do and will continue to stay stuck on level 1. Why? because level 1 feels good, its easier. You do something you enjoy to let time pass which will hopefully allow those feelings you hate so much pass as well. "Finding yourself" is actually feeling things, feeling and seeing how you perceive things, how you react and knowing when its time for growth and change. Sorry to break it to ya but you don’t JUST find yourself on your morning runs with music blasting your ear drums. You distract yourself with the same shit over and over because you want to avoid emotions and what is actually going on around you. Level 2 is uncomfortable as fuck. People spend years in therapy trying to navigate level 2. It takes a lot of time and energy and effort and WORK to be comfortable with your feelings and just allowing them to take place. Unfortunately a lot of people stay stuck on level 2, wallowing in their emotions and bullshit or self pity. Especially ,for the people who have been bottling emotions for years prior. Its new , so its scary and I get it. Some people will even use spirituality to talk about this in a way that they'll say " I felt all these feelings, I had such a spiritual awakening! I transcended to higher consciousness and it was an absolute ego death and now I am healed!!!“ Part of being emotionally intelligent is being able to tell the difference on which emotions that you experience are important to act on and which emotions should be acknowledged and felt and nothing more. And sometimes, one emotion causes us to spiral into another and another and another and before we know it, we're trapped in this spiral of fucking chaos. So we also have to be aware of the things that actually deserve an emotional response, vs. the things we are emotional over because of our own egos. Level 3 is about seeing what are we missing? Whats the point? We have to really realize that a BIG chunk of our thoughts, feelings, emotions, responses and reactions are really just a mirror.(If this confuses you, check my “we are all mirrors blog post). It’s a reflection of what we are feeling about OURSELVES in that moment or that point in time. This is why sometimes we use the people we love as an emotional punching bag. If I hate the way my day is going, or I hate myself, you better believe I’m going to turn against everyone around me because they're near by ,fuck it. It doesn't make this right, but in our minds its a way to justify our anger. In these moments we really have to try to listen to our hearts over our heads. Our hearts have already declared something, our hearts have already made a decision. Our minds are where we are trying to justify or explain our bullshit. I’m about to say something that might stun most people but here I go….Our memories are wrong. Our need to predict future pain is wrong. Those places do not exist anymore or yet.The past no longer exists in our world! The future isn’t even here! Our minds naturally focus on pre existing beliefs. And its up to us to recognize and change that so that we don’t go completely insane and push everyone around us away. We even tell little lies to others, and ourselves so that things can go the way we want them to. This is a lack of self awareness and a strong need for control. The most important thing is to recognize is that these are our weaknesses. Once we realize that, we know that they are only weakness, and we don't have to be slaves to our own brains anymore. It’s up to us to learn our stupid ass patterns, and the problems WE create for OURSELVES. "It’s not about removing your faulty psychological reactions. It’s about understanding them so that you can adjust to them. The same way we all have some skills and activities we’re better at than others, we all have emotions we’re better at than others. Some people are bad with happiness” but good at managing their anger. Others are terrible with their anger but relish their happiness. Other people never feel depressed but suffer uncontrollable guilt. Others never feel guilty but struggle with depression. Where are your strong emotions and weak emotions? Which emotions do you respond poorly to? Where are your biggest biases and judgments coming from? How can you challenge or re-evaluate them?" Practice mindfulness, seek therapy, get advice from others, have other people truly open up to you about your behaviors. Hold yourself accountable so you can see where you're fucking up here. This can be painful of course, no one wants to hear this, but it also can be really eye opening. Ask someone, a close friend or family member, who you are as a person, where they think you fall short, or even about your personality. Sometimes other people see us more clearly than we see ourselves because its harder to acknowledge your own faults then to "defend" yourself when people explain to you what yours are. It’s about self awareness and self acceptance. Knowing that none of us are perfect but being able to identify , point out, AND adjust where we fall short as humans. We're all here trying to be better (well, most of us are ) , but if we continue to walk around this earth full of distractions and truly disconnected from who we are, what the fucks the point? I woke up this morning and told myself "I'm going to blog today" . Its a gorgeous day In south Florida, my windows are open, my coffee is delicious, and I sat on my computer and went blank . I'm not a writer, so let's not label this as "writers block" . This is more of a feeling where I have so much to say that I don't even know where to start. I have a list of topics in front of me, written down on sticky notes that are plastered all over my monitor and I can't seem to even begin to get into a specific topic. So here's todays blog post. I am going to go on a bit of a ramble session and just write some things you should know. Things I think about, have read ,or hear about that I believe everyone can benefit from. This one might be a little disorganized and all over the place but hey! , sometimes our thoughts are just that. So here are mine. Let's begin with some mental health advice that can change your life: Think, rest, and respond. If it still bothers you in 24 hours . When we're upset, its easier to react instantly. However, when we're upset, our nervous system isn't regulated and can lead to an atomic ass response. Pausing during these times provides an interruption between how we perceive the stressor, and our automatic reaction. It allows us to think more clearly and respond to the situation more intentionally. Stop apologizing for taking up space and expressing your feelings: You teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. If you are constantly apologizing for expressing your feelings, setting boundaries, or sharing opinions, you are showing others that you're not worthy of taking up space. So pleaseeeee, own your authentic self and love it unconditionally. The way you speak to yourself matters : There is actual research to prove that the way we speak to ourselves has a significant impact on our physiological health. If you're constantly judging yourself, putting yourself down, or criticizing your efforts, you will start to believe these things. Start talking to yourself as if you're talking to someone you love and care about. Be your own bestie. People aren't thinking about you the way you are thinking about you: There is a psychology term called the "spotlight effect" which refers to our tendency to overestimate how much other people think about us or notice us. The truth is, everyone is so concerned about their damn self, their own problems, and their own lives that they don't spend much time thinking about ours. Rejection is redirection : When you feel rejected or unwanted , acknowledge that yes, it sucks, but don't let this consume you. Look at rejection as redirection to something better. The truth is, if we never experience rejection, we will likely not take many chances and won't feel the need to step out of our comfort zones. Turn adversity into self growth and use the momentum to explore new opportunities. When you feel anxious , interrupt your unhelpful thoughts: Acknowledge your anxiety and consider what it is telling you. Maybe you need to slow down. Maybe you need to reframe your viewpoint. Or maybe you are under real threat and need to take action . Write down what you're thinking and evaluate whether it is actually true. These thoughts could just be based on excessive worry and overthinking. Practice deep breathing, it'll help you regulate your nervous system and allow you to think more clearly. Need more to read? Here we go Some of the most life changing words someone can hear when they are healing, hurting, and trying to share their story : "Your response makes sense" "You deserved better " "You're not crazy " "I believe you" "I'm sorry " Shame is a normal response to an abnormal experience. In an attempt to make sense of what happened to us, we accept false blame that we made it happen. Shame is a barrier to our innocence, Until we properly grieve and heal. We then honor the innocence and live shame free. There is no such thing as two steps back when you're trying to heal. The two steps back message dismisses the attempt to grow from a position you didn't even ask to be in ! Honor the trying. It'll help the healing. "The only true abandonment is the abandonment of self" You are not what happened to you. You are not your trauma. You are not your attachment style. You are not your abandonment wound. You are not your beliefs . You are not the labels they give you. You are not the labels you give yourself. You are so much more than the content of your life that you've allowed to become your identity. Break free. and the last thing I will share on todays ramble is: "At some point you gotta be real with yourself about the gap between the life you want to live and the life that your daily habits are leading you towards" I am the type of person that needs structure, a schedule, and stability. I just can't function doing everything on a whim, it's super stressful for me! ! But jokes aside, one of the things that has been most important to my growth, my "glow up" , my spiritual enlightenment, and honestly my anxiety, is to have a health daily routine , especially a morning one. I wanted to take this time to give you all some tips on how to develop a new and more healthy morning routine for your mental and spiritual health during your awakening process. Now although, I do admire people who can pack one simple backpack and travel across the globe, I am just not one of those people. Nor do I want to be honestly. I have found that I am my most efficient when my life is structured. I know some things happen out of the blue and leave us feeling chaotic at times, but IF I can schedule, I will. I like to write daily to-do lists, I like to keep myself in check and hold myself accountable for my own healing process and I believe developing a structure is very helpful . If you haven't read my most recent blog about Accountability, feel free to check that out as well. First, let's get into why morning routines are so helpful. The short and sweet answer is : It sets the tone for the rest of your day. I know you've had those days where you wake up rushing to get ready for work, and while making your coffee to go, you accidentally spill some on the floor, now you're rushing to clean that up so the dog doesn't eat it when you're already running late. You get out the door, rush to your car, start hauling ass and then get stuck in traffic. You're sitting there thinking "fuck this day" . What we fail to realize is that if we simply adjust one thing in this scenario, the entire day could have been different. If we had set our alarms to just 20 minutes earlier, we wouldn't have jumped out of bed yelling "I'm going to be late !" (which triggers anxiety ), we wouldn't have spilled the coffee because we wouldn't be in such a rush, and we wouldn't have caught that different "I'm late" traffic. We also and most importantly wouldn't be sitting in traffic fighting with ourselves for making a simple mistake and letting it take over our day. But it's not as simple as waking up earlier, because let's be real. Most of us hit the snooze a few times before we allow our feet to touch the ground. Now here is the "long " answer as to why morning routines are helpful. Setting the tone for the day better allows us to control our schedules rather than our schedule controlling us. As we start each day fresh, we can better focus on what is in front of us in the present moment, where to prioritize our time, which will ultimately, increase our productivity. I know we all have responsibilities, priorities, obligations, and we always feel the pressure of time being against us, so it's all about organization and time management. Where there is a will , there is a way ! And you WILL make time for the things that are most important to you, the goals you want to achieve, and the lifestyle you'd like to create. Feeling good physically impacts how we feel emotionally. So if we spent the entire morning rushing, making coffee and hauling ass, we're going to bring on a sense of anxiousness that can very well linger on throughout the rest of the day. Once you get home from work, you're tired, still anxious, drained, and now you realized you forgot to defrost chicken for dinner because of this mornings rush. Now you're stressed about dinner too ! See how it all ties in ? For those who enjoy sleeping in until the last minute , I'm sorry to break it to ya but if you want to develop a healthier routine, or a spiritual morning routine, you're going to have to be dedicated and disciplined enough to wake up even a little earlier for this to work. Honestly, going through our entire lives without a morning routine is simply a lack of self care. This is all FOR YOU. You're here, NOW, in this body, and you have no clue until when, so why not treat yourself as the divine being you are? You can spend the morning scrolling through instagram, stressed or rushing , or you can choose to treat yourself to a relaxing , and enlightening way to start your day. You have free will here, so do what you'd like but hear me out. I want you all to wake up 20 minutes earlier, sit up in your bed, shut your alarm off, play some meditation music and sit there for at least 5 minutes taking big deep breaths. Make sure you do this sitting up so you don't fall back asleep, my trick is getting out of bed and sitting on the floor, because honestly, I love sleeping. This is going to allow you a sense of inner peace before doing anything else . Do this before you check your phone, do this before you wake the kids for school, before you start breakfast, before ANYTHING. ..unless you really gotta pee, then you're excused. Gratitude journaling is another excellent way to start the day. You can do this right after your 5 min meditation, take another 5 minutes on this and just write down what you're grateful for. You can write 5 things, or 10, or 20. Its totally up to you. If you choose 5, it's OK. Don't stress trying to think of more things to write down. There are no right or wrong answers when writing a gratitude list , the point of this is to shift your mind into a positive mindset. After your journaling, move your body for 5-10 minutes , get out of bed, stretch, dance a little, do a couple yoga stretches, take deep breaths, roll your spine. Get your body in tune, Step into your body , feel your body, feel every breath, every stretch, feel your heart pump, tap in and thank your body ! Even going for a walk will help . However you choose to move is completely up to you. This next tip sounds silly but it'll make an impact, and our mothers have been telling us this since we were kids but MAKE YOUR BED! When your external world is clean, your mind experiences ease. Think of how we get stressed when our houses are a mess, or how we clean when we are experiencing stress. This is because cleaning is a form of therapy. It is no mystery that your space has an impact on your mind, so make your space look beautiful ! By this time , 20 minutes should be up , and you can start your morning full of gratitude, peace, and a sense of calm. Remember its the small habits we do daily , that transform your life .Things that are so simple, and easy to do, and take barely any time at all , can have long term affects on your overall well being. The only thing you have to do is start, so why not? I've been doing a lot of tarot readings lately; whether privately for a client, publicly on an instagram live, myself, or friends and I have noticed a recurring theme . A card that has very often come up for the collective in general has been the Justice card . Justice is mostly known in tarot as a card that represents the law, or receiving justice in a situation . It's about fairness, truth, and cause and effect. As with most tarot cards, the reversed meaning is the opposite. Justice in reverse is about not being held or not holding yourself accountable. The justice card appears at times where you may know you have done something that is not morally right , and others may not know about it yet. You're left with the choice of owning up to your mistakes or actions, or continue being secretive. The justice in reverse is also a card about you not being fully willing to take accountability for your actions, therefore allowing you to feel like you "dodged a bullet" by blame shifting. Justice has come up so often in that last couple of days that it got me thinking about accountability. What is accountability ? What does it mean? Does this mean something different for everyone? Alright so , what is accountability? Accountability is an acceptance of responsibility for honest and ethical conduct towards others. Accountability is the acceptance of responsibility for one's own actions. It implies a willingness to be transparent, allowing others to observe and evaluate. Now, most of us know that for every action there is a reaction . If our actions haven't been...lets just say "the best" , we must first be aware of that. We must first acknowledge that we fucked up somewhere along the line. Holding yourself accountable is accepting it, and taking responsibility for it, and then if and when we can, making it right . The accountable route should be a direct reflection of the integrity of the person you want to be. Sometimes, holding ourselves accountable can even mean that we can't necessarily "fix" something though right? So is accountability subjective ?What if the fixing is beyond our control? What if its something we absolutely can not change? What if my version of accountability isn't the same as yours? What if you hurt someone, and you've done all you possibly can, and that person still does not believe that you have fully held yourself accountable and have taken responsibility for your actions? Well, the good news is that we are not in control of anything that happens, we are only in control of our own reactions to what happens. So if there is something you struggle with , that you want to or are holding yourself accountable for , yet you can't really change it . It's OK. What you can control in these situations are : the way your future self will react, the way you choose to live your life moving forward, deciding to become the person you want to be. No one and nothing can take those things away from you. You have the right . It is your right and your decision to make the right choices from here on out and live the life you want to live. The first step to holding yourself accountable is to get in the right mindset. Decide you want change. Decide you want a better future. Decide how you want to live moving forward. Of course, we are all flawed humans and we will 100% continue to make mistakes but to understand that the point of these mistakes are for us to learn important life lessons so that we can keep evolving into the best versions of ourselves. We are all flawed human beings and all we can do is try. Get an accountability buddy ! Choose a friend or family member that you know will call you out on your bullshit (in a loving way of course). Find someone who will tell you "hey ! You're doing it again !" "Hey, you're slipping, get back on track !" "Hey ! Focus !" If you do not want to rely on someone, keep a journal of your progress. Use technology even ! Set reminders in your phone to make sure you get to your journal. Keep a schedule or a daily to-do list so that you can begin to implement new practices into your daily routine for your healing journey. Set small goals every week and hit those goals! Then reward yourself for reaching those goals. Want to hold yourself accountable for unhealthy eating? Set a small goal like , Go to the gym 3 days this week and eat clean. Once you reach that goal, reward yourself with a rest day and your favorite snack. But then, get back to business! Create a vision board. This can be put up on your wall where you can see it everyday , or designed as the wallpaper /screensaver on the devices you use most. Include photos of the type of people you admire. The type of people that motivate you, that you'd like to gain some inspiration from on your new accountability journey . Build your own new healthy habits. Listen to, read, or watch something positive or inspirational everyday. Look for the small victories . Be proud that you are taking the steps! Throughout this process, and journey, we must remember that self accountability and self criticism are two completely different things. I understand you messed up. Your loved ones understand too. But it's not about bashing yourself. It's about knowing , deciding, and showing that you are looking for change. Self accountability looks like : "What can I learn about myself from what happened?" . "What pattern brought me here ?" "I work to consistently forgive myself" While self criticism looks like "I'm so stupid, I never do anything right ". "Everything is my fault " . "I fell off" "Everyone is doing better than me" "Why cant I get my shit together? " These are trying times for us all. Remember , the way we speak to ourselves is so important on our journeys and holding yourself accountable is pretty much impossible with no objective . Decide that you are worth the effort , make promises to yourself, think about what is motivating you and what your goal is, check in with yourself or a friend, and remember you have to be willing to take responsibility for your actions. Turn off the procrastination button, motivations wane and good intentions fade because we don't feel the pressure of a deadline, we aren't really clear on what we want, we may not even know where to start. One thing is for sure though, whatever you decide to think and however you decide to act will have consequences. Therefore, you need to hold yourself accountable for the decisions you make. That’s where it all starts. I hope that this write up gave you a good starting point. And if you need help , I am here. Thank you for reading. Hope you all enjoyed this one. Much Love, Vany So if you're new to this whole healing thing, let me first explain to you what a trauma response is . Trauma responses are our emotional responses to a horrible event that has occurred in our lives. This can be due to verbal or physical abuse, rape, car accidents, natural disasters, deaths, severe illness, severe injury, or even witnessing an act of violence amongst many other things. Immediately after the traumatic event, shock and denial are very common. Long term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms such as headaches, migraines, stomach aches, and nausea. The most common responses to trauma are Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Although , there is a fourth possible response, known as Fawn. Flight includes running or fleeing the situation. Fight is to become aggressive , freeze is to literally become unable to move or make a choice, and fawn is to avoid conflict at all costs. Either way, a trauma response is the reflexive use of over- adaptive coping mechanisms. Let's get into detail , and yes, this entry might be lengthy so if you enjoy reading, grab a snack. The fight response : When healthy and healing , the fight trauma response will allow you to assert yourself and create and stick your solid boundaries . When unhealthy, you move reactively toward conflict with anger and aggression. It's being in a state of fear where you feel you the threat and you then feel the need to assert yourself, or fight back. How can you tell if you have a fight trauma response? Well , this would mean that you fight back so that you can gain control and navigate the situation. It would mean that you believe that if you're able to gain power over this, you will gain full control. This can include physically fighting, screaming, aggression, throwing things, damaging property , etc. Although it can also include balling your fists, crying, arguing aggressively , tightening your jaw, clenching your teeth , etc It may feel good to "take control" of a situation, but its at the expense of others. It comes at the cost of connection, healthy communication, and others feeling safe or secure around you. The flight response: When faced with danger, you're initial reaction is to run away, become avoidant, or isolate yourself completely. When healthy, you're able to use your discernment during times of stress and disengage within limits, instead of isolating yourself completely. An example of this would be; Someone expresses to you something that makes you uncomfortable, and you hang up the phone and become unresponsive completely. During these times, we believe that if we completely remove ourselves from the situation , we are safe. And this comes at the costs of never truly resolving the issue at hand. The freeze response: When healthy, the freeze response can help you slow down and assess a situation carefully to determine what your next steps to take should be. When unhealthy, the freeze response becomes dissociation or immobilization . When this is enacted, it results in literally feeling unable to move or you find yourself in a haze or completely detached from reality. You're mentally checked out, yet it makes you feel safe because, well, "you're not really here ". A freeze response is when parts of your sympathetic nervous system reaches a point of overwhelm causing a neurological shut down. (think of a possum playing dead when they feel threatened ) This may include a loss for words, retreating into your own mind, sleeping, spacing out or going emotionally "numb". Its disconnecting with your body to prevent further stress. The fawn response: Fawn responses are about people pleasing or engaging in pacifying behaviors. Its by prioritizing others and doing whatever they want to diffuse conflict. It seems like this might be the "nice thing to do " but its at the cost of losing yourself. You are abandoning yourself and your needs. Most likely, you don't feel seen by others. Now, can you have all four trauma responses? Well , it depends. Sometimes trauma responses are "paired up" because you can identify with multiple things from each of the four categories. You might rely on one more than the other, depending on your situation . Another contributing factor is are the responses real? or as these perceived consequences by our actions? For example, if you're arguing with a loved one, one day you may hang up the phone on them and avoid it all together. The next day you can (fawn) and tell them they are right, only to keep the peace . The good part: Once we acknowledge and are aware of our trauma responses, we can work on healing or adjusting them as necessary . And, There are a variety of tools to work on these issues (where there is a will, there is a way). Some of these tools are very simple to use and just require practice and consistency. What I feel is one of the most important is having a support group, whether therapy, family or friends. Lean on people to help you process, and help you stabilize in that current moment. You can also breathe deeply and slowly, there are certain breath work techniques that help us completely regulate our nervous systems. A suggested rhythm is to inhale for four counts, hold for two and exhale for six to eight counts. By doing this you are activating the part of your nervous system that helps your body calm itself. This can help you to think clearly and return to the present moment. Validate your experience too. What you went through is real and it was hurtful . There is nothing wrong with you ! You are having a very normal response to an abnormal experience. Other simple tools you can use are, laughing, thinking positively for 12 seconds . It only takes 12 seconds for the creation of new neuron connections . So think about something positive for 12 seconds, sit and really FEEL what your thinking. Feel the positivity running through your body, FEEL the love energy flowing. You can also focus on your five senses . Start with five different things you see , hear , sense with your skin ,taste , and smell. Then notice four of each, then three of each, and so on. Be as specific about these items as you can to make you really concentrate on external factors and to get out of your head. Pay attention to things like shape, scent, texture and color. You will probably be back to the present moment before you even realize it. Another couple examples of trauma responses: Flight: You are a workaholic, an over thinker, have anxiety, panic or OCD. Difficulty standing still, or perfectionist tendencies. Fight : Anger outburst, controlling, the "bully", narcissistic, explosive behavior. Freeze: Difficulty making decisions, feeling stuck, dissociation, isolating. Fawn : People pleaser, lack of identity, no boundaries, overwhelmed and codependent. The bottom line : The bottom line is that we're all on this healing journey together right? If you identify with any of these trauma responses just know that you are not alone. Love yourself, love your journey, be compassionate with yourself, trust your journey, figure out to to deal with these situations better so that you can move forward toward recovery . You have been doing what is needed to survive so it'll take time to unlearn these behaviors. But if you've read til the end, it means you're interested in getting help and thats the first step to healing. Awareness and willingness. Congratulations. I believe in you. . Ever notice how when other people tell us what they don't like about us, or what bothers them about us, they usually turn around and do the exact same thing? Ever notice how when someone makes a low vibrational comment like "omg! she's so outspoken, its so annoying " , it's actually because they wish their own throat chakra was a little more clear so that they can speak their own truths without fear of judgement? Well , We're all just mirrors. We are all mirrors for each other (especially in a twin flame dynamic but that'll be a whole other blog entry ), for now , lets stick to basic human interactions. What you see in another that you do not like , or that annoys you, is what you need to look at within yourself. Why does it bother you that that other person is so outspoken ? Have you grown up being muted? Have you been in relationships where you couldn't fully express yourself? Were you constantly told to Shut up as a child? Find what irritates you about certain people and situations and ask yourself why ? " I don't like that she did this that and the other" ... Ok.. Why ? Why do you feel annoyed? attacked? disrespected? Which part of you actually want to be a little more like that other person? Does it annoy you that they have the confidence to actually be outspoken and you do not have that confidence? Does it bother you that they are happy with themselves enough to speak their truths, and you need a little more self love to be comfortable enough to do the same? Find the root of the trigger without being so focused on the actual trigger, make sense? These are the questions we have to ask OURSELVES to begin our own self love and healing processes. WHY? Ask yourself WHY? Its such a short word, 3 little letters, with so much impact. WHY? What do children ask the most when you try to explain something? WHY? .. It's because they are trying to learn and understand how things work the way they do. So how come as adults, we forget to ask ourselves this very same question ? Truly ask yourself WHY? so that you can identify where the REAL problem lies . So that you may begin to do the work to fix that issue . It's time we look at and into our own selves rather than project to others. Rather than expecting others to fix our problems, or rather than just simply disliking another human being , which can be for no apparent reason at all, other than its because we really don't like ourselves. When you find yourself in a negative mindset, stop for a second and ask yourself these questions. Why do I feel this way? Why am I letting this take over my mind? Why did I allow this to happen ? What can I do to change this mindset? What can I do to shift my perspective? Why does it bother me that this person is so outspoken? So independent? So free? Why am I triggered by someone elses behavior , thoughts, words or actions? WHY? You're not in control of any one else, so WHY do their actions affect YOU ? The real answer will always lie within you. And its up to you to find it. The point of this entry is not to point fingers. It's to try and get you all to ask yourself these questions that so that YOU can go WITHIN. Truly learn from yourself, your past experiences, your traumas, triggers , etc. so that YOU can begin your own healing. At the end of the day, real healing comes from within yourself and is for yourself. To whoever is reading this, I thank you for being here. I am proud of you for looking for healing because that's what brought you here in the first place. You will heal if you are ready for change , I promise. Be patient with yourself and really ask yourself these important questions, write down your answers, discuss them with your therapist, life coach, or even your friends and family that you can depend on. I know I have a bit of a rough approach when it comes to advice, or writing in general, but I mean what I say with love always, and I just want to help humanity in any way I can. We are all growing, evolving and learning everyday. We are all here on different journeys for different reasons, and with different lessons to learn and believe me I am still learning mine. But just know you are not alone . I just hope we, as a collective, can start to really evaluate OURSELVES and ask OURSELVES these very important questions, and I think the number one question to start with is , WHY? Hello , and welcome to VanytheBruja.Com
Thank you so much for stopping by. Please bookmark this page because I will be posting weekly blogs with information on spirituality, healing, daily tarot readings & more. These blogs will also include links to helpful articles, podcasts, videos, etc. I am forever grateful to you all for believing in me and continuing to reach out to lil' ol' me for guidance. If you have any questions at all regarding any of the healing modalities or services offered, do not hesitate to reach out. I'm here to help ! |
AuthorVany the Bruja |